


Operate

by ForTheLoveOfNirvana



Series: Transit of Venus [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 10:59:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11804637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForTheLoveOfNirvana/pseuds/ForTheLoveOfNirvana
Summary: Part 4





	Operate

**Author's Note:**

> Part 4 of my series written listening to Transit of Venus by Three Days Grace

**_I know how you're operating_ **

**_Only come when you know that I need it_ **

**_Cut out my heart and leave me bleeding_ **

**_But you're the only one that brings out the demon_ **

 

__The walls inside my head they were still broken and I wasn't sure how many more of the hallucinations. Sam and Dean both became increasingly worried about me as well as putting a stop to the leviathans.

   "Llana are you alright?" Sam asked yanking me back to the reality in front of the three of us.

    "Yeah just the usual creepy crap and hallucinations but nothing that isn't manageable." I lied trying to sound like I meant it.

    "Llana we will fix this we just need time." Dean said parting my shoulder.

   "I know, Its just that I'm having issues determining hallucinations from reality." I said trying to sound stronger than what I actually felt.

     Neither of the boys knew what to say when I came out with that little fact. They just stared blankly at me. I knew they weren't sure what they could do.

    "Well that settles it she is not to be alone until we can fix her head." Dean said flipping down in an empty chair next to Sam.

    "I agree since we don't know how this so effect her as it worsens." Sam said wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer to him.

 

**_Like pills you make me righteous_ **

**_Like I can rise above it all_ **

**_Like pills you leave me lifeless_ **

**_Shaken in a bathroom stall_ **

 

   I sat there with Sam and Dean as we combed through countless books and other sources trying to find a way to save me from my hallucinations. I was beginning to be a prisoner of my own hallucinations.

    "Sam." I whispered as a fresh wave of years and hallucinations washed over me.

    "Llana what's wrong?" He asked as he shifted to look at me.

    "I can't, I have no sense of reality anymore Sam. I'm useless I don't know if this real or some sort of fucked up hallucination." I said finally accepting that I could no longer discern reality from the vivid memories of my past.

    "Llana it's okay Dean and I are here for you and were not gonna let anything happen to you while you aren't able to distinguish memories from reality." Sam said trying to soothe what was left of my frayed nerves.

     "I know i just feel like I'm insane." I said flatly.

     "I know kiddo but you're not insane." Dean said finally looking up from the book he was reading.

     I drifted into the hallucinating state and instantly I was 14 and back home. I saw my mother and the look of fear in her eyes the day my father came back from the bar possessed by a demon that killed her my sister and the rest of my family leaving me an orphan that nobody ever found it in their hearts to love. I saw the blood and heard the ear piercing blood curtling screams. 

     "Llana!" Sam screamed as I sat there in the chair in the bunker library thrashing violently and crying.

    "Llana! Kiddo you got to fight!" Dean yelled as he came rushing to the other side of me.

    "Mom!" I yelped still in full hallucination mode. Eventually the hallucinations stopped and I was left a shaking crying mess in the bunker.

    "Sammy!" I squeaked barely able to talk.

    "Shhh... Llana it's okay I'm here. You don't have to speak." He said as he locked his arms around me. I sat there I couldn't move, I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there.

 

**_Why you wanna do this_ **

**_Don't wanna see you in my fall_ **

**_Leave me alone_ **

 

   That night when Sam and I went to bed and it was hard for me to fall asleep. I kept thinking about that hallucination and how much it truly terrified me. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be the same again. God I wanted to be back to my old self. Sam needed me whole, I needed me whole. I had to fight and fight hard to determine reality from horrid memories. Sleep however did eventually find me.

 

**_I know how you're operating_ **

**_Only come around when you know that I need it_ **

**_Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding_ **

**_You're the only one that brings out the demon_ **

 

**_You bring it out_ **

**_You bring it out_ **

 

   That night didn't allow me the restful sleep I had been hoping for. I was riddled with nightmares that felt so real I woke up in the morning on year soaked pillow. I wasn't sure how Sam slept through it. When I awoke I was up before Sam so I got up and went to the kitchen to get some coffee. I felt like a zombie and I knew I looked like one as well.

    "Jesus Llana you look like shit. Did you not sleep well last night?" Dean asked as he laid eyes on my zombified form.

    "Nightmares made it real hard to get a good night sleep." I stated not looking away from the cup of coffee I was making for myself.

     "Shit I'm sorry I know that sucks. Were you crying in your sleep last night because I heard sobbing?" Dean asked still slightly worried about me.

     "Yeah that was me, them damn nightmares felt so real it wasn't funny." I said sitting down at the table across from Dean.

     "Damn sounds like you had a rough night." He said taking drink of his coffee.

      "Yeah I'm just glad it's over." I remarked before taking a long drink of my coffee. I never did feel pain of hot liquid going down. I was so used to it and so was my body that neither of us complained.

      "Did Sam wake up at all during this?" Dean asked quietly.

      "I don't think so and if he did he didn't wake me." I said looking down at the table trying to wake the hell up. Sam came out a few minutes after that. 

     "Morning guys." Sam greeted as he walked into the kitchen and started making himself some coffee.

    "So did I wake you last night Sam?" I asked while he was still fixing his coffee.

    "No why? We're you having nightmares again?" Sam asked as he came over and sat with us.

    "Yeah." I said with a small sigh.

     "You could be woke me up." He said wrapping an arm around me.

     "Both of us didn't need to be losing sleep because of my nightmares." I said flatly.

 

**_Like pills you grab a hold of me_ **

**_One hit just makes me want you more_ **

**_Until we're in a motel room_ **

**_Locked up behind closed doors_ **

 

   The day went by without a single hallucination. I was shocked that it was just remembering the past not hallucinating that I was reliving them. I could deal with plain old memories I did that every day before the wall inside my mind was broken. I sat there happy for the first time in quite a while and it was nice but I wasn't sure how long this would last because my mind was bleeding internally.

 

 

     Sam seemed pleased that I was okay but he was still watching me like a hawk but not without good reason. I had been having all sorts of crazy crap climbing around in my head and no known way to fix it or remove it. I didn't mind Sam watching me cause it meant he was constantly looking at me and that was enough to smile all on its own. Despite everything I still tried to remain positive.

 

**_Why you wanna do this_ **

**_Dont wanna see you in my fall_ **

**_Leave me alone_ **

 

**_I know how you're operating_ **

**_Only come around when you know that I need it_ **

**_Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding_ **

**_You're the only one that brings out the demon_ **

 

**_You bring it out_ **

**_You bring it out_ **

 

****The was actually pretty enjoyable considering I felt somewhat normal. As normal as a hunter can be that is. It wasn't so bad I actually felt like I wa going to make it out of this. I felt like I had a fighting chance to get control of all the creepy crap in my brain.

     "Llana are you good?" Sam asked looking over at me.

     "Just amazing Sammy, I can be me for a while." I replied with a wink. Sam seemed like he got my drift thay I still hadn't had a hallucination yet. Thay was even making me happy. Maybe I was getting over it and rebuilding the wall piece by piece.

 

 

**_You're doing it now_ **

**_You're doing it now_ **

**_You're doing it now_ **

 

**_It used to be_ **

**_You brought out the best in me_ **

**_Now it seems_ **

**_You bring out the beast in me_ **

 

 

Things were going really good and I was thrilled it had been a couple of days since I had hallucinated anything and I was hopeful that they had just simply gone away on their own. That was the best I could hope for, and I was hoping hard thay it was the way it seemed.

    However I couldn't be to sure that they had gone away on their  own. I just had to hope and trust in my internal instincts. 

 

**_I know how you're operating_ **

**_Only come around when you know that I need it_ **

**_Cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding_ **

**_You're the one that brings out the demon_ **

 

**_You bring it out_ **

**_(You bring it out)_ **

**_You bring it out_ **

**_(You bring it out)_ **

**_You bring it out_ **

  * **_(You bring it out)_**




End file.
